Chicago Tribune

The ol' "Suspicious Skies" Op-Ed was published today in the Chicago Tribune. This is around my third proudest achievement of all time, despite the fact that soon there will be no such thing as a newspaper. Whatever. Still happy. Happy like the last guy who sold a radio show pilot.

Suspicious Skies

Celebribabes

Hello new parents! Congratulations on your
accomplishment. We can only assume that you are
nervous, excited, and full of questions like “Should I
breast feed?” “What if my baby cries all the time?”
and “How can I most effectively package and develop my
baby’s content for maximum distribution and revenue
generation on the Internet?” Lucky for you, our
company has the answers. To the third question.

Your friends might already have baby blogs, or a
flickr pages. Boring. Your baby can do so much more. A
baby allows you to increase your internet presence
ten-fold, thereby multiplying your opportunities to
create a genuine family brand that will drive
delighted consumers back to your website again and
again to view your particular brand of family
infotainment.

By creating a solid web presence, you’ll also be
helping your baby. By the time your baby enters
elementary school, they’ll have a fan base, a thriving
interactive web site and a marketable personality that
can easily connect with consumers. Remember how you
wanted that jersey only the cool kids had? Well, now
your kid is the cool kid but this time Nike’s paying
you 2% of the revenue based on sales from your site
alone!

As you look at your little flesh lump you might think
“but my baby isn’t doing anything particularly
hilarious and doesn’t seem to have a personality yet.”
Trust us: personalities are crafted, not born.  You
just need to package your baby. Ask yourself the
following questions:

1. Does my Baby do anything weird when music is on?
2.  Does my Baby do something that seems
preternaturally adult?
3.  Would I be comfortable letting my baby fall great
distances?
4. Be around a scary animal?
5. Bear? Cheetah?

If your baby is dull, take heart: this is not about
what your baby does, but what the web says your baby
is.  And you can make your baby do anything. It's a
baby. Here are some sample suggestions:

Baby who ONLY WEARS PINK
Baby who is DRESSED UP AS GODZILLA AND CRUSHES MODELS
OF TOKYO.
Baby who you’ve taught to say “NO WAY OSAMA BIN LADEN”
and shake finger in a sassy way.

Or give your baby an adjective and let the site’s
content naturally develop from your efforts to apply
that adjective across multiple media platforms. For
instance, EDGY BABY might have a Mohawk. EGDY BABY
posts videos from Lollapalooza or a similar mass
culture event with niche market applications. EDGY
BABY’s photo gallery is full of hilarious pictures of
EDGY BABY asleep next to a well-placed glass of beer.
EDGY BABY swears in his/her blog (which you write
until EDGY BABY is both literate and a foul mouthed
bastard). A collateral benefit of this approach
ensures that by the time that EDGY BABY’s obligatory
nude photos emerge in their teenage years, EDGY
BABY/TEEN is ready to take them to the bank.

In terms of unique site visitors, product links,
subscribers and onsite ads, your baby’s content is one
of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Get that
web presence rolling, and then we’ll talk reality tv,
book deals, you name it. Remember - in five years, if
you're not a product, you're not a person.

Sarah As Cell Phone

If you haven't watched "Texting Your Way To Love," this is my character.

Ocean Fun

A still shot from a game of, "Can You Beat the Ocean By Running Fast?" Chuck and I played last weekend. The answer is no. The ocean got us wet and the ocean also made our legs burn like fire.

SuperNews

is Current's animated satire/comedy show. The guys over there were kind enough to invite me to voice the character of "Sarah" in this week's episode. So, check out

Texting Your Way to Love

Suspicious Skies

This essay will appear in a different more exciting format! Coming soon!

Making an Impression

Hi there. Below is my impressions reel.

Chicago Sketchfest

I went back in January to make a short "pod" on Sketchfest. Now it is done! Hooray.

Sketchfest Pod

I "produced" it so I was not on camera. I was just around the camera, having libations.

Who's That Sweeping?

Me. I am an excellent brooms-woman.

http://current.com/items/88884039_the_future_of_infomania

Exciting times, indeed.

Newsblast

I work at a show called 'infomania.' For many months now, my friend and co-worker Mark has written a segment called "Newsblast" almost every day. The last Newsblast aired on April 1st. At the end of this final Newsblast, there's a little tribute to him and his behind the scenes work. Mark does not like being on camera/performing (much) so most of this was caught over the months when he was just doing voiceovers and the camera was rolling.

http://current.com/items/88883466_newsblast_04_01_08

Check it out. The homage starts around 2:10. Congrats, Mark.